Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is wine microwaveable?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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