just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
