It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
