Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
