my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
