I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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