I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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