Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
