You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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