so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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