Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
should my penis look like a turkey
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
