Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
