I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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