My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
