Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
