I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is my gift to your gina
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
