Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
