garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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