Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
