Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
