Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
