youre lurking in front of me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
