Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
