Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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