My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
