I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
