I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
