Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
