Life is so much better after having sex.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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