I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were trust falling into bushes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
