I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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