You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
