Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
