yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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