So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
third nipple confirmed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
