Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize