I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize