1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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