Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
