Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
