Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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