i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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