I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
