So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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