i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
