he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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