i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
