Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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