Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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