Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
