Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
