i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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