they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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