My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
