I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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