I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
