I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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