he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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