Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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