Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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