So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
