i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
