I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
