i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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