if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
