Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
