Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
