I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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