brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
