Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
