hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
