I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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