Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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