I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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