You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
