I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
