big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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