K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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