Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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