i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
