I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
