Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
