you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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