i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
