Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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